


On The Nature Of Being Friends With Total Nerds

by TheEternalNewb



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Slice of Life, life bends down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 19:31:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20452394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEternalNewb/pseuds/TheEternalNewb
Summary: "I refuse to believe," Rebecca declared, "that it is possible to be friends with Colin.  Therefor we must explore alternate explanations for what we just saw."Hana looked at her in confusion.  "But I'm friends with Colin.""Are you?  Are you really?  Is that a thing you want to pretend is possible?""You're friends with him too," Hana accused.





	On The Nature Of Being Friends With Total Nerds

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xbritomartx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbritomartx/gifts), [CPericardium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CPericardium/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Life Bends Down](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13796073) by [CPericardium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CPericardium/pseuds/CPericardium). 

“Anybody know where Colin is?”

“I think a friend is dropping him off,” Theresa said. “He should be here soon. He has two minutes and five seconds before the meeting time you told him, according to the US atomic clock.”

Rebecca stared at Theresa. “Ignoring everything else you said, Colin doesn’t have friends, so I don’t believe you.”

Whatever Theresa was going to respond with, it was lost when a minivan pulled up to the curb and Colin emerged from the passenger side.

“Dungeons and Dragons Wednesday, don’t forget,” the driver called out, before driving off.

“I refuse to believe,” Rebecca declared, ‘that it is possible to be friends with Colin. Therefore we must explore alternate explanations for what we just saw.”

Hana looked at her in confusion. “But I'm friends with Colin.”

“Are you? Are you really? Is that a thing you want to pretend is possible?”

“You're friends with him too,” Hana accused.

“I don't understand the point of this conversation,” Colin interjected.

“The point,” Rebecca replied, “is that friends are inefficient and therefore you do not have them.”

“No, that much I understand and agree with. What I don't understand is why we are talking about it.”

“Because,” Rebecca said with no small amount of exasperation, “the way our friendship works is mostly me purloining your ruminants.”

“Are you claiming to be a cattle rustler? I don't have any cows. If I understand the idiom correctly, I endeavor to maintain an even disposition at all times.”

“She means she likes getting your goat,” Hana cut in before Rebecca could confuse the issue any further.

“Interesting. I wonder if the two idioms are related,” Colin pursued, despite Hana’s efforts.

“Colin is taking an etymology class for one of his gen ed requirements,” Theresa explained, hoping to derail the conversation before it went any further.

“It satisfies two of them, and the communications requirement for my secondary major,” Colin disagreed.

“How do bugs satisfy your communications requirement?”

Everybody looked at Hana.

“I think you misheard. That’s entomology, while Colin is taking etymology,” Rebecca explained. “But also bugs are great at communicating. In any case, you’re all distracting me from the main point, that being that there was a mysterious person who brought Colin here for unknown reasons, entirely unrelated to being Colin’s friend.”

“We were working on a class project together and this was on his way,” Colin provided.

“Oh, you two share a class? I’ll have to let him know we know each other. Maybe we can all do something together later,” Hana interjected.

Rebecca furrowed her brow. “Where do you know each other from?”

“He’s in ROTC with me. I know I’ve told you about him before. You made fun of him for diving a Chevy Venture.”

“Oh, is that what that minivan was? Wait,” Rebecca said with mounting glee, “was that Chevy Guy?”

“That’s not his name. His name is—”

“Don’t care! His name is Chevy Guy. He’s the only guy on campus who drives a Chevy.”

“Multiple people on campus drive a vehicle manufactured by Chevrolet,” Colin remarked. “There’s one parked right over there.” He pointed at a pickup truck with a mattress in the bed.

Rebecca looked at it. “There is a pink ribbon bumper sticker on that truck.”

“He might just really like boobs,” Theresa pointed out.

Rebecca put up a finger, mouth open, and then closed it. “Hm,” she nodded. “You may have a point, but I have decided to ignore it.”

“I still don’t understand why we’re having this conversation instead of buying our tickets for the movie.”

“Because we need to solve the mystery of Chevy Guy and why he isn’t your friend, Colin.”

“I thought I had already adequately resolved this. We share a class. We are partners on a project. Why do we need to pursue this topic further?”

“Mysteries are made to be solved,” Rebecca declared.

“Also, his name isn’t Chevy Guy. It’s—”

“Still don’t care, Hana. Oh! Didn’t you tell me he has a huge collection of multitools?”

“Yes," Colin remarked, "he does; he used three different multi-purpose devices today for the project we were working on, and I counted a further seven in the case he opened to retrieve them from.”

“There we go! Colin isn’t his friend, he’s a prospective member of his tool collection.”

Colin furrowed his brow and was prepared to question this when Theresa interrupted him, already quite embarrassed on his behalf, and wishing for Rebecca to stop. “Rebecca, didn’t you tell me there’s a secret trick to maximizing the butter to surface ratio of your popcorn? Why don’t you lead the way and you can show us?”

As Rebecca rushed in through the doors, Colin briefly squeezed Theresa’s hand. “Thank you.”


End file.
